You can be the most intelligent person. You can drive the most expensive car. You can dress in the best designer clothing – but if you are not versed in social intelligence, which when broken down can be described as people skills, you will not gain the respect of your peers, friends or family; nor will you achieve the success you desire.

Being socially savvy, in an open, honest fashion will get you to places that sound knowledge alone will not. The level of personal and professional success that you achieve is dependent not only on how you conduct yourself but more importantly on how you are perceived by others. Always remember that people can easily discern when you are being phony, with that in mind, you should adapt and portray the skills and traits in your everyday dealings. To become more in tune with the nuances of social intelligence you should be aware that there are two distinctive aspects to the whole. One facet is social awareness, meaning what we sense about our fellow humans; the other is our social facility or how we behave when we become conscious of that awareness.

We are, or should be, very cognizant that social skills and graces help the wheels of life to whirl more flawlessly and with less effort. As children we are taught the golden rule, that is, to say please and thank you; but, as we grow older we do not always practice those rules and often we do not take the time to familiarize ourselves with some of the other tenets of social graces that are just as commonplace, but not often utilized. The fact that we can purchase whatever we need gives us a sense of false security, it sometimes cements the feeling that we do not have to be appreciative or courteous; until one day the realization hits us squarely in the face that not everyone is enamored with our lack of graciousness or our inability to interact favourably with our co-workers, acquaintances, friends or family.

Whether in professional or personal circumstances, by incorporating social intelligence or people skills into your everyday interactions you are showing that you are comfortable with yourself and confident in your dealings with others. When you become sensitive to the feelings of others, you will find that people usually reciprocate by being sensitive and caring in return. You may find that it soon could become a chain reaction and people will be more attracted to you and what you have to offer.

Social intelligence, people skills and social graces should become a part of the fabric of our lives. This will result in a more caring and gracious community. Your businesses will boom because people like doing business with people who are like themselves also with people who make them feel good. Your personal life will also flourish because when you feel good about yourself you interact differently; mostly in a more accommodating and caring fashion. As Randy Pausch once said – We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand. Use your secret ingredient to enhance the growth and development of your personal and business life!

Joanna Parris is a leading expert when it comes to good manners and proper etiquette. She is a speaker, an author and offers training programs and interactive workshops for anyone needing to enhance their image and etiquette. Joanna can be reached at joanna@bossselfpro.com

We are now half way through the year so it is time to take stock of where we at and what we have accomplished since we made those deliberate plans. The snow has finally disappeared; the trees are now lush and overflowing with green leaves. Flowers are blooming and the chill has gone out of the air; at least some days it appears that way. You can almost smell summer and all the excitement it brings.

Spring offers the opportunity to start anew, to put away the trappings of winter and breathe new life into our dreams, goals and desires; a time to firm up our plans, get our creative juices flowing and plan for the remainder of the year. Depending on your goals, summer may be a slow period, but that does not mean that you have to wind down. To the contrary it means that you have to get yourself prepared in advance so that you will be ready for the upswing.

Take a step back and re-evaluate what you want to do, where you want to go and how you are going to get there; step by step. To stay on track or to make up for lost time, you need to re-set your goals and construct a realistic action plan. Whether your goal is to lose weight, learn a foreign language, run a marathon, declutter your home, sew a new wardrobe, start a new business or increase your earnings the time to begin is today. Not tomorrow, today, right where you are, with what you have. Putting things off, very seldom get them completed. Remember you have only accomplished your goal when you have completed it.

Begin to focus on what you want, write it down, plan around it, set deadlines for yourself and follow though, there is not point setting a deadline or making a plan which you do not follow through on. Itemize what needs to be done to accomplish your goals.

Start planning your meals for the remainder of the week; make sure they include healthy choices, if weight loss is at the top of your list. Park your car a few blocks from where you need to go and walk, try to get in fifteen to twenty minutes of walking daily. Get yourself a pedometer and begin counting your steps. If you can, go to the gym or join your community centre, swimming is an excellent way to lose weight.

Join a group that offers the language of your choice, or buying and using a program like Rosetta Stone can be easy and fun, put aside time every day to practice your new language. There are many opportunities to join walking or running clubs or charities that challenge you to do a marathon and help very worthy causes at the same time. Get your gear together and get out there, you may find that you enjoy it so much; you want to make it a permanent part of your life.

Begin with a small area, one room, a dresser or closet and completely declutter that space before attempting another area. The problem with declutting is starting with too large a project, then it becomes daunting and you can quickly become discouraged. Sewing a new wardrobe can be challenging, but if you love to sew and you attempt items that are not too complicated and you are consistent, in a short period of time you will find that you own an expanded wardrobe of which you can be proud.

If your goal is to go into business for yourself, begin by doing your homework, find out if your plans are viable, get input from others in the same industry; be sure that you have a reserve of cash not only to invest in your business but to tide you over for at least six months in the unlikely event that your business does not take of as you expected.

A goal for increased income, needs quite a bit of planning; you must know the how; how you are going to make the increase; the where; what avenue streams are open and accessible to you; what sacrifices you will need to make in order to gain your desired increase.

Each new day is a new opportunity to start afresh, so carp diem.

Joanna Parris is a leading expert when it comes to good manners and proper etiquette. She is a speaker, an author and offers training programs and interactive workshops for anyone needing to enhance their image and etiquette. Joanna can be reached at joanna@bossselfpro.com

To break into that rare sphere where the population of speakers, seminar leaders, teleseminar and webinar presenters have their audiences figuratively eating out of the palms of their hands, hanging onto their every word, and wanting more; you have to ramp up your game. You have to muster all the skills at your disposal and then some. If you have been yearning to raise the ante and deliver speeches or seminars that resonate with your audiences; get top billing and higher fees; you need to put more punch into your presentations.

Here are some suggestions that will help you to present with greater panache:

1. Do your homework. Research your audience, find out what they need to hear, what they need to know, what pushes their buttons then offer information that is pertinent, current and specific to the particular group of people with whom you will be interacting.
2. Learn all you can about the venue, visit it if possible. Find out the numbers expected, the seating arrangement, the type of microphone available; what type the audio visuals will be at your disposal; whether copies of your handout will be made ahead of time or if you have to bring those yourself.
3. Understand why you were hired. Be clear about the objectives and the reason you were hired; possibly are you were hired to educate, motivate, sell to, solve problems and possibly all of the above. Craft your message to address the issue or issues as they were laid out to you.
4. Know your Key Message and stay with the theme of your message, do not wander off topic; you are there for a purpose, understand the purpose and speak to the purpose.
5. Customize your presentation to each and every audience; one speech does not fit every audience. Always remember that each audience is different, as is the venue, caliber and expectation of those in attendance.
6. Bond with your audience, the earlier you do that the more successful you will be. One way of doing that is arriving before your scheduled time and talking with some of the participants, that way you get a feel of the audience and they feel comfortable with you and your style.
7. Treat your audience with respect, they are not infants; do not treat them as such. Interact with them, involve them. You may disagree with someone’s point of view, but do not argue with anyone. Respect their point and say so.
8. Add humor where appropriate and present with passion. Speak in language that they understand, if they do not understand what you are saying you will lose them.
9. Get your facts straight; do not depend on hearsay or old stats. Be willing to listen, you may learn something new. Answer questions to the best of your ability, and if you do not know the answer, be honest about it. You will score high points if you sent the answer to the question asked, within 24 hours of making your presentation.
10. Dress appropriately. They hired a professional and expect to see and hear a professional. Dress and behave like one.

A smooth, professional presentation that offers solutions and answers the questions implied and those directly asked; that is delivered with passion and honesty will assist in propelling you into that category of extraordinary presenter.

Joanna Parris is a leading expert when it comes to good manners and proper etiquette. She is a speaker, an author and offers training programs and interactive workshops for anyone needing to enhance their image and etiquette. Joanna can be reached at joanna@bossselfpro.com

You wouldn’t believe what happened to me last week – On television, no less!”

There I was trying to be the best etiquette expert ever when I put my foot – rather both feet in my mouth; while explaining how to execute the perfect place setting (which I can do in my sleep). In my lack of focus moment I said “you place the knives on the left and the forks on the right” I was not aware of the faux pas until I saw the segment later that night. To say I was mortified is putting it mildly. I just wanted to crawl into a cocoon and go to sleep for the next year or so. Unfortunately, that is only wishful thinking, I have to face the reality of my faux pas and press on with my quest to create an etiquette revolution.

I have been inundated with calls from people wanting to know if there was an etiquette revision and when did it occur. Elizabeth J, one of the many callers who wanted to know if a left- handed place setting was now an accepted part of the traditional table setting routine really put a different spin on my dilemma. Her comment really got me thinking – these are her exact words “Joanna I am so glad this happened; it made me feel good to know that you are not perfect, that even you can slip up! I know you must be upset, but it makes me feel more empathetic towards you! Whew, we are not always aware of how people see us! Thanks for the reality check Elizabeth.

Another view point came from Eric and this really got me thinking – ‘Joanna congratulations on the interview – I think things like that can easily get to us! Especially, if we lean towards perfection or if we are uptight. However I think that the best thing to do is chalk it up and use in a future speech or talk. Things happen! – I was too chicken to ask him which category he put me in!

To reiterate, knives go to the right and forks go to the left. There however is one exception, the cocktail or shrimp fork is often placed to the right – on the outside of the knives, and usually sits next to the soup spoon. To make the rule less confusing some people place the cocktail/shrimp fork to the far left of the other forks. Either position is correct.

The experience was humbling, but I received support from several friends and mentors, this helped to buoy my spirits. Now here I am ready to go forth stronger that I was before. A sincere ‘thank you’ to all those who called or emailed, to express concern and offer support. I appreciate you all!

Joanna Parris is a leading expert when it comes to good manners and proper etiquette. She offers training programs and interactive workshops for anyone needing to enhance their image and etiquette. Joanna can be reached at joanna@bossselfpro.com

Your soft skills are tested each time you make an introduction; when you use the proper form of address to greet someone; when you indulge in small talk, as well as your voice mail, email and social media etiquette. On the other side of the coin you are expected to display self confidence and self assurance in all situations. Sometimes, because you are only human, there may be lapses in your demeanour, and these lapses happen mostly in an unguarded moment when your body language is incongruent. These lapses can often be attributed to stress, tiredness, lack of sleep or irritation with a situation; you however need to be always on guard and be able to correct a situation, immediately it happens.

An important part of yourself management role is to conduct a self analysis and a friend analysis. Very often the way we see ourselves is not the way others see us. By seeking the friend analysis from one or two trusted, astute friends, you will be able to identify idiosyncrasies of which you are not aware, and make the necessary changes. A few areas you may want to take a second look at would be your body language when you are stressed or displeased. Are you a roller, meaning do you unconsciously roll your eyes; or do you give the high brow, automatically raising one or both eyebrows when faced with a questionable situation; or you may be a purser, you thin your lips to perhaps refrain from saying what you really think? To the trained eye or very perceptive person, these habits are give a-ways to your true feelings. Be aware of your language, verbal and non verbal. Strive to be congruent at all times.

Another key component you should have in your arsenal is Presence. This is not an item that can be purchased, but it is easily cultivated. If you are able to command attention without saying anything or doing anything other than just by being in a room, then you have Presence. You can cultivate it by emulating charismatic people. Some of the traits of these people are that they are genuinely interested in others; their smile lights up their faces and gives you a warm welcoming feeling; they stand tall, they walk with purpose; they look you in the eye when they engage you in conversation and they make you feel good about yourself.

The way you dress is an expression of how you feel about yourself, and being appropriately attired for each occasion is a definite plus. You can attain a polished and professional wardrobe by investing in quality garments that speak to your position, personality, proportion and style.

As a perception manager you use all available tools to ensure that you are always one step ahead of the competition.

Joanna Parris is an expert when it comes to good manners and proper etiquette. She offers training programs and interactive workshops for anyone needing to enhance their image and etiquette. Joanna can be reached at joanna@bossselfpro.com

Most North Americans think that the rules of etiquette to which we adhere is universal.  Unfortunately that is not the case and often because of our somewhat inflated sense of right and wrong we make mistakes that can cost us, especially in business situations. This attitude sometimes prevents us from taking precautions that would avoid ‘losing face’ or embarrasses ourselves in foreign countries.

If we would get over our sense or feeling of ‘superiority’ and investigate the culture and customs of the country to which we are about to travel to or acquaint ourselves with the people with whom we wish to interact we would certainly make greater strides in business and appear to be much more affable. It is a fact that people like to do business with people ‘like them’, people with similar values and cultures. Learning about the culture of the people with whom you wish to interact will give your a head start and definitely create a more favourable impression.

The world has become a global village. Technology allows us instant access to markets and people thousands of miles away or those right on our doorstep, or neighbourhood. Savvy business owners know that reaching out and conducting business in diverse markets pays big dividends. They are also aware that being prepared, by learning more than the fundamentals about persons from a different part of the world makes an impression and tells the people involved that you have made an effort to learn about them. They have learnt that by so doing they get a lead on their competitors.

Here are a few things that we as North Americans take for granted but are not universally accepted as good manners because they represent something totally different in another culture:

1. The Okay Gesture – bringing the forefinger and thumb together is an expression of excellence, But in Brazil, Denmark and many other countries it is the equivalent of raising the middle finger.
2. In most Asian countries placing your feet on chairs or tables is seriously frowned upon, this is bad manners in any culture.
3. In most countries with a British background it is considered rude or inappropriate to address people with official titles or elders by their first name, unless they give you permission to do so; this should be a rule of thumb regardless of one’s background. It is a sign of respect.
4. Assuming that a handshake is the norm. It is the accepted greeting in most countries, but so is a bow or namste. Do your homework before you embark on the journey of meeting others.
5. In South America people stand very close together when they are conversing; closer than most other cultures. It would be considered an insult to step away from the group. You may find that as you step back, they will take a step towards you as they consider the intimate proximity normal.
6. In China and some areas of the Far East belching is a sign that you have enjoyed the meal and the chef or your host will take it as a compliment.
7. Swapping business cards is expected but when accepting a card from an Asian business person, you should read, the card and comment on it before putting it into your card holder. Writing on a card, folding it or putting it into your back pocket is taken as a sign of disrespect for the person who gave it to you. This respect should be the norm for any business card you receive.

One custom that I particularly like originates in Japan, and it is says that filling your own glass amounts to admitting to those present that you may have a great affinity to alcohol. The accepted behaviour is to fill the glass of the person next to you and wait for that person to reciprocate.

Familiarizing yourself with the nuances of acceptable manners from diverse cultures will enable you elevate yourself and your business in the eyes of your prospective clients.

Joanna Parris is a Trusted Authority on Image and Etiquette; she can be reached at: – joanna@bossselfpro.com.

You may have notice that there have been a deluge of courses, e-courses, workshops and seminars from people offering you the secrets to your making a million dollars. Reading though the materials and checking the promises, some of them offer very solid information, while others are just a rehash of information you have heard before. In this period of layoffs and downsizing there are thousands and thousands of unemployed and underemployed people who have mortgages, bills to pay and mouths to feed. For some people, these offerings seem to be the answer for which they have been searching. The opportunity to double, triple or increase their income tenfold is very tempting.

The majority of these programs invite you in very persuasive language to purchase very expensive CD compilations, and workbooks; on line training or travel to exotic destinations for weekend, one week and even ten day stays. Of course you will have to pay for your hotel accommodation, unless you have a friend or family member living in the designated destination; your airfare or bus, train and car travel is also on you; as are the meals. These additional expenses are coming out of your pocket. While you are there, there will be vendors who will be offering their wares and trying to sell you additional items that they promise will further accelerate your progress.

The fundamentals of these programs appear to be genuine and I am sure the people ‘offering’ them mean well but at the end of the day what happens to the majority of people who participate in these programs? How many of them go forward and make the millions that they thought they would? The stats on the also ran are not very forthcoming. On many of the landing pages used to entice the buyer, there is an average six to eight people who claim that they are winners, that they are indeed overnight successes, and this might very well be so; but what about the others where do they end up?

Some promoters of these programs boast, that the attendance to their workshops/seminars range in the vicinity of two hundred to over a thousand participants. Staggering numbers, to be sure, but how many ‘new gurus’ have entered the self-help arena? How many people have become overnight successes or have double, tripped or increased their income tenfold? That is indeed the million dollar question.

One should be cautious when purchasing any item, big ticket or not. Speak with the presenter, ask to speak with an attendee, it would be great if you could speak with someone who is not on the list of those who made it; ask pertinent and relevant questions; double check the contract, read the fine print, if you do not understand it have it interpreted for you. Do not be pressured to sign and if the promises sounds too good to be true, they probably are.

I have taken several courses, workshops and seminars myself, as I firmly believe that continuing education is the way to go if one wants to succeed in any and all areas of life and business. Recently, I returned from a very motivational and enlightening workshop. I feel recharged and invigorated – but I did my homework before signing up.

Joanna Parris is a Trusted Authority on Image and Etiquette; she can be reached at Joanna@bossselfpro.com or her website http://www.bossselfpro.com

Your business lunch will be an enjoyable event if you followed these simple guidelines:

1. Confirm the date, time, venue and meeting place (lounge, bar etc.) with your host 24 hours before the event. Visit the venue, if possible, before hand to familiarize yourself with the layout and the standard.
2. Arrive at least 5 minutes early. Arriving too early more than 10 minutes could be a problem as the invitee could be conducting another interview or meeting with someone else and could feel rushed or pressured. If for some unforeseen reason you are running late phone your host or the restaurant and leave a message. (You had better have a very good excuse to be late as lateness can leave a negative feeling about your ability to be punctual.)
3. Turn off your digital device. Resist the urge to check your e-mail or call log, you can catch up after the meal. During the meal you should devote you attention to your host.
4. Greet your host in a friendly manner, with a bright and ‘true’ smile – shake hands, if a hand is offered and make respectful eye contact, not a stare or a glare. Speak clearly and avoid slang greetings or handshakes.
5. After you have been seated, place your napkin in your lap. Your napkin is the one to the left of your plate or it may be in the centre of your plate or in your water glass which will be to the right of and slightly above your plate. At a very fancy restaurant the waiter will open your napkin and offer it to you. When a large napkin is present, open it half way and have the fold facing your body; if a smaller napkin is offered, open the entire napkin. Napkins should be used to ‘pat’ at the corners of your mouth, not to remove lipstick, wipe your brow or blow your nose.
6. Close your menu when you are ready to order. Do NOT order the most expensive items on the menu. Do NOT order alcohol; and do not order difficult to eat or messy food. If your host orders wine have a sip or two but do not over indulge. If you do not imbibe let your host know in a timely fashion. Thank your wait staff as they serve you.
7. When your food arrives, Do NOT add seasons before you taste it. Do Not play with or move the silverware or glasses around; even if you are left-handed, the glasses remain on the right. Your bread plate is to your left – remember to break off a bite sized piece and butter one piece at a time. If soup is a part of the course, eat the soup away from you – scoop the soup to the outer edge of the bowl, then bring the spoon towards you – this will help elevate possibility of the drippings falling into your lap or on your clothes.
8. Follow the lead of your host. Wait for your host to bring business into the conversation, which would normally happen towards the end of the meal. Do not begin eating until he/she begins. Sit up straight and bring the food up to your mouth, not your mouth to the food. Utensils are used starting with the item furthest from your plate. When cutting food, do not saw the food and above all do not chew with your mouth open. Finish chewing before answering a question or making a comment.
9. At the end of the meal close your knife and fork by placing them in the 10/4 o’clock position – the tops of the cutlery facing 10 o’clock and the handles facing 4 o’clock. Your napkin is place to the left and not in your plate. Thank your host and make a courteous exit unless the conversation is extended.

Joanna Parris is a leading authority on Image and Etiquette, she can be reached at – joanna@bossselfpro.com

Put away the Winter mindset and step into Spring! It is a whole new season with a whole new meaning. Clean out the cobwebs that have cluttered your mind for the past few months and begin preparation for a new beginning.

In the same way that you have to make room for lighter brighter colors and fabrics in your wardrobe, you should be making way mentally for lighter brighter thoughts, actions and mindsets; it is time to review the resolutions that you made at the beginning of the year and put your plans into motion.

Here are a few tips to help you to clear your mind of the winter fog and assist you in taking the strides that are necessary to boost your spirits and help you attain your desires:

1. Be Realistic- Review your resolutions and eliminate the lofty ideas that will not get done. Be honest about what you want, what you need and what you must have.
2. Make A List Of Your – Must Be Done – Items. Because a – Must Be Done- list is much more practical than a – to do list. With a to do list, it is always something to do….and not something that MUST be done.
3. Prioritize Your Needs– Use a one to ten system or a color coded system, with Red as urgent; Orange being important and so on, using whatever colors you fancy that will act as a reminder for you to spring into action.
4. Review Your List– Eliminate the items that are not really a priority.
5. Plan Your Method Of Attack– Strong word attack, but if you use soft words, you tend to get soft results.
6. Be Precise – Take the time and clearly understand what you want and how you are going to go about achieving the end result.
7. Prepare A Calendar– Your start date should be today. By taking immediate action, and not putting off when you will begin, you give yourself a head start.
8. Give Yourself A Deadline– By giving yourself a date to accomplish each item you hold yourself accountable.
9. Make It Visible– Out of sight usually means out of mind. Place your calendar somewhere that you can see it each day, as a gentle reminder to yourself.
10. Make A Date With Yourself– Once a week give yourself fifteen minutes to go over what you have done and see where you need to brush up on your efforts. Commit to the time factor and your sense of discipline will improve greatly.
11. Reward Yourself– Treat yourself to something you enjoy as a reward for the things accomplished
12. Strengthen Your Resolve– But, don’t beat up on yourself for things that were not done. Instead, rephrase or reposition and give yourself greater incentive to complete the important items – bear in mind that priorities change and you need to flexible.

Indeed – Your mindset will determine how far forward you will Spring!

Joanna Parris is an Image and Etiquette Expert. She can be contacted at Joanna@bossselfpro.com

A survey developed by Robert Half International – the world’s first and largest specialized staffing firm with over 350 offices worldwide; the survey found that three out of four Human Resources managers polled said that technological etiquette breaches can affect a person’s career prospects. The survey was conducted via telephone to more than 650 HR managers in the United States and Canada; to firms which had 20 or more employees, by an independent research firm.

As a result of the findings, and to assist professionals from falling victim to online gaffes, Robert Half International released a new guide entitled – Business Etiquette: The New Rules in a Digital Age – The comprehensive guide. This guide offers tips for successfully minding your manners when using professional networking sites, social media, e-mail, instant messaging, mobile devices and more.

The company has also identified and labeled five common types of tech etiquette offenders and gives guidance to ensure you are not one of them:

1. The Venter. This indiscreet individual never misses an opportunity to document a bad work situation. Job-related gripes and groans get splashed across Facebook, Twitter and her personal blog. E-mail, too, takes a decidedly negative tone.

Advice: Look on the bright side. To avoid this label, keep the information that you post positive. Sticky or unpleasant situations are best discussed offline and in private.

2. The Noise Polluter. This person’s phone seems to lack a silent mode or an off button. Whether in a meeting or at a colleague’s desk, he freely takes and makes calls, oblivious to his surroundings. Between noisy ring tones and loud public broadcasts of personal conversations, it’s impossible to concentrate when he’s nearby.

Advice: To keep office noise at a minimum, set your phone to silent mode at the office, and hold personal conversations behind closed doors.

3. The Cryptic Communicator. This person relies on texting shorthand for every type of correspondence. Odd or informal abbreviations, poor punctuation, and spelling and grammatical goofs leave people shaking their heads — and pleading for clarification.

Advice: Slow down, and take it easy on the abbreviations. Spending a little more time on your communications can make them easier to decipher.

4. The Pop-Up Artist. While you’re trying to complete assignments, this chat fanatic insists on sending you a flurry of instant messages. Throughout the day, you’re subjected to the pings and pops of incoming IMs: RUTHERE? CYE [check your e-mail]!

Advice: IMs are fine for quick volleys of conversations, but don’t go overboard. And don’t expect that everyone will want to “chat” with you. For many, e-mail is immediate enough.

5. The Conference Call Con. This multi-tasker pretends to pay attention during teleconferences but is so busy checking e-mail he has no clue what’s being discussed. It’s not an unusual problem: 45 percent of executives confessed to frequently doing other things while in these meetings, according to another Robert Half survey.

Advice: Although we all multitask from time to time, pay attention to relevant conversations when on conference calls. It can help to turn away from your monitor so you’re not distracted by e-mail.

Now that you are aware that you are being observed, and you have been guidelines from Robert Half International to enhance your technological prowess, it is time to join the Etiquette Revolution!

Joanna Parris is a Certified Image & Etiquette Expert. She can be contacted at Joanna@bossselfpro.com – www.bossselfpro.com